35mm Diaries: Dear Rejection

a letter of gratitude

Jun 10, 2024

Columbus Circle, NYC. Shot by me on 35mm film

Dear Rejection,

I’ve started and abandoned countless drafts of this letter, trying to ensure the language I use lands perfectly. This conscientiousness has, in part, been influenced by your presence in my life, a life you have been part of for more than three decades. My first instinct was to start with a familiar greeting, “Hello, Old Friend,” but calling you a friend doesn’t feel quite right, although, in recent years, I’ve realized that you are not the enemy I once believed you to be. The role you have played in my life has always been a pronounced one. You were a presence before I even exited the womb. You made yourself known in the form of an unfit father whose absence led me down a path of unfit lovers. You remember them, don’t you? How could you not? Those were among the darkest moments between us. I crawled my way toward the light in the form of trying to heal, seeking help, and processing all of those long-gone moments with you that imprinted my psyche. In trying to find my light, I could see you in a new one.

As I’ve gotten to know you in other aspects of my life, particularly as I navigate a career in the arts, your role has expanded. There are other people who have come to know you who call you protective or say that your purpose is to redirect them, which is true, but you and I go much deeper than that. In moments where you have told me “not yet,” “maybe, next time,” or “sorry, you’re not the right fit,” I’m challenged to reconnect to my “why,” and to not give my power over to you and quit, which is no small feat for someone who was never taught to believe in themselves. It’s through your frequent visits that I’ve begun to feel more firmly rooted in my decisions and the path I chose.

Lately, I find myself anticipating your arrival. There have been a few moments where you didn’t show up as expected, but even your absence affects me. The residue you have left on my emotional framework makes believing I deserved what I’ve earned a challenge at times, too. However, as a determined, stubborn, and dedicated artist, I thrive when challenged. Which brings me to why I’m writing this letter to you. I want to express my sincere gratitude for how you have shaped me. You have protected me from people who were unsafe, misaligned opportunities and experiences I was not ready for. You have fortified me, kept my ego in check, and motivated me to work through the obstacles you have set in my path. You have depreciated the value of external validation, which has built my confidence and endurance. Without you, I may not know the value of working hard at something I’m passionate about or the importance of building the tenacity to overcome the curveballs life was always meant to throw my way. That’s deeper than friendship. It’s divine guidance.

I know that you will always be part of my life, no matter how accomplished or masterful I become. It’s clear that you were always meant to be here, and I’ve adjusted to this reality by working through the resentment I held toward you. Every time you show up, I’m reminded of all the ways you have helped me evolve and all of the reasons why I need to keep going.

Until next time,

LaChelle

35mm Diaries: Dear Rejection

a letter of gratitude

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